My Big Fat (Queer Armenian) Wedding
Recently, I officiated the wedding of an Armenian LGBTQ+ couple, S & T. I had the honor of officiating this wedding because I’m one of the only people in the world who fits the Venn diagram overlap of Armenian-speaking, priest, and queer-affirming. Sadly, Armenian culture in general and the Armenian church in particular is not welcoming and affirming of queer folks.
I learned in the course of pre-marital counseling that S’s family was not supportive of her queerness. Mr. and Mrs. M, as I’ll call them, and Mrs. M in particular, had been downright unsupportive, often in hurtful ways. The couple was very nervous about how she would behave at the wedding, if she even showed up at all.
Well, Mrs. M did show up for her daughter’s wedding, and you could feel the negative energy emanating from her. Was she going to make a scene as they pronounced their vows? Would she storm out at the crowning ceremony? S&T had friends at the ready to mitigate any drama, but I really hoped it wouldn’t escalate to that point.
The moment the processional music began and each spouse-to-be was walked down the aisle, I was greeted by the surprising sound of whoops and cheers. Quickly, I realized that this wasn’t a hostile crowd at all. S&T’s friends and family had shown up in full force, determined to give them the happiest day of their life. The joy and love they brought into the space was so beautiful and overwhelming I had to hold back tears.
Halfway through the ceremony, I noticed S looking at her mother with a strange look on her face.And after the ceremony, I could tell she was still a bit shaken up. I asked what was going on. She said, bewildered, “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My mom was smiling at me. And she gave me a nod of approval right before we said our vows.” T piped up, “You don’t understand, this is jarring for us. She has never shown support before.”
The kicker: at the reception, when the couple and their families were introduced, Mrs. M reached out to her daughter’s new mother-in-law and gave her a hug, an embrace of acceptance of their children’s marriage and the joining of their families.
I don’t want to be overly Pollyanna about it, but it was like I was living in a Hallmark movie. Love won. It felt like a Christmas miracle.
The Christmas and Epiphany seasons in the Christian tradition are all about God’s light coming into the world: light overcoming darkness. It’s such a welcome message at a time of year when we seem to have more darkness than daylight. We can easily lose sight of, or get discouraged by, just how hard we have to work and how much we have to risk to shine the light of justice and truth into the darkness of racism, prejudice, and bigotry that is still very much alive and at work within and around us. It takes persistent, committed, banded-together light to drive out that darkness.
Just one or two Armenians alone may not have changed Mrs. M’s heart, but a whole room full of that kind of light? Look what it transformed.
May it be so with us. Blessings of light, courage, and persistent faith on you, dear reader.